Welcome to the
modern, liberated world. Anything goes here. Religion is out. Science is in.
Thanks to science, we now know that romantic love is merely the product of our
reproductive drive, a natural force of evolution, fed by chemicals called
hormones and pheromones. Thanks to
science, we also know that men and women are designed for faithful, monogamous
relationships.
One of my personal
favorite hormones is oxytocin, often dubbed the "love hormone." Like
many hormones, oxytocin is a protein; one particular specialty of this protein
is to form bonds between people. Signs of trust, physical contact, and especially
sexual contact, release oxytocin into the bloodstream, increasing trust and
affection between a couple. For women, who naturally have higher levels of
oxytocin than men, this hormone has a strong, long-lasting bonding effect.
While oxytocin also has a bonding effect
for men, it clearly plays up to one of a woman's stereotypical strengths, her
emotions, to attach her very strongly to a man that she has sex with. For men,
oxytocin harnesses his sex drive and orients it toward his partner, making
other women less attractive, and creating in him a tendency toward
faithfulness.
This effect of
strong attachment and tendency toward exclusivity produced by oxytocin
predisposes couples toward monogamy. The biology of men and women is designed
for faithful, exclusive, long-term relationships. From a survival perspective,
it all makes sense. In general, faithful, monogamous relationships increase the
stability, health, and well- being of the couple and of any children they may
have. This increased stability and economic well-being afforded by the family
unit in turn increases the well-being of human society at large by contributing
to economic growth in that society and reducing the incidence of crime and
psychological disorders, among other things.
Science is telling
us something, if only we will listen. Listening to hormones like oxytocin shows
us that the most natural way to increase our well-being, is to find a suitable
partner, and enter into a permanent, faithful relationship with them. (So go
find somebody that you are crazy about, get married, stay married, and don't
cheat!) That is what science is telling us.
Sources:
